The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
