i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
