I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
bring money and cleavage
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
