he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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