Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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