haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
