as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
