My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
