Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
