you didnt know i had herpes?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
