i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
