I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
