remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
