Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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