Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
