Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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