Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
