Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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