dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
