just come out here and I will go home with you...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
