could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
