Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am mentally ready for anal.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
