Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
