there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
