I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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