C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
