I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
this boner is exhausting
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
