I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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