he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
