she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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