There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
