maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
