My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
