you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
