I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just found puke in my bra..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
