Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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