I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
