If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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