Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
