That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did we literally take a cab across the street
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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