Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
