I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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