Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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