Screwed.edu
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize