Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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