Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
