eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
