You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
