I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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