I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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