You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
