Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Drunk is not a location!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
