I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
