Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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