is your mom at the bar?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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