Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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