My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
