very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
