My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
