its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
