Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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