Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
