He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
