there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize