Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
