There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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