I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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