I bet he comes in French.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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