i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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