Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
