in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
