the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
