I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize